What Have I Learned?

In the time since October 15th, I've learned plenty. I will admit, I was not a fan of Ms. McKenna. I don't think I have the right to judge her now, as a student who knew her for under three months. She didn't seem to be very interested in the class to me, which is a problem in my eyes. It appeared almost as if we annoyed her and she didn't always understand what I was saying to her or what the actual meanings of the questions I asked were, as she'd have some far-off answer that had nothing to do with what I'd asked. Another problem I had was the way she assigned work. She rarely told us flat out when assignments were do, what she wanted the main ideas of said assignments to be, and didn't give(me, if not anyone else) space for creativity. She often asked me to change my work into a style that I assume fit her better than it would fit me.

I don't mean to bash on this teacher. I just felt very wrong being in a class of people who cared about her (for the most part) deeply, when I really wasn't a fan. I did feel upset for the loss of her, but more because it was a loss of life rather than the loss of Alison McKenna. Guilt was the biggest problem. Sitting in that room on the Monday following her death was almost disgraceful. I had no right to feel bad for her death. I didn't know her, nor did I very much like her at all. It was like tainting all the sadness and love that people had for the situation with simply not caring. My friends(hopefully you aren't reading this) left I think somewhat to get away from the sadness, but for the most part to just skip class. Which, I think is also disgraceful.

So, something this has taught me? It's been an intuitive experience. I've realized things about myself. Like the fact that I can't comprehend the concept of death. I don't understand how people can simply be gone. And maybe this is why religion was born. To give people an answer and to give them hope. So that they can know where their deceased loved ones are, or have an explanation to how people came to be on this Earth, whatever they question, religion is supposed to have an answer for them. In all honesty, I have theories about such things, but I think anything is really possible. Which is why it's hard for me to take in death. It's almost like denial, like I can't believe they're gone so I subconsciously tell myself that they've only left for a time. I get it when it's from a distance, like in a book, or another country, or someone I don't know well.

While losing Ms. McKenna was a painful experience for most, I was one of few, I’m sure, that just didn’t care. I suppose that can be considered pretty heartless, and what I’m about to say doesn’t make me seem any less so; not understanding death doesn’t change how I feel about it altogether. I don’t think of death as such a bad thing. I think everyone has to die someday, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t think it’d be too bad to die young. No wrinkles, no problem. No, I don’t want to die tomorrow or anytime soon. Maybe in my 80’s if I’m able. All I’m saying is that, while life is valuable while it’s being lived, it’s also expendable. Our population grows rapidly every day. One person is nothing to the billions of others on Earth.

I have no idea how to conclude a post like this, so I’ll end it generically:

The End